| Oh, why not |
[Aug. 26th, 2009|11:24 am] |
Here's a bunch more cards I'm not sure I actually want to use in a game but have made up anyway purely for fun.
Note: The first four are totally ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mumbly_joe's idea.
If anyone actually wants to see one of these horrible ideas in my putative custom Munchkin deck, feel free to vote in the comments.
DOORS:
Dash for Cash!
[pic of a nude Munchkin with pixellated private parts running right past another Munchkin with a shocked expression on his face, yoinking the second Munchkin's sword leaving a puff of smoke behind]
Play this card to celebrate a victory where you won with no equipped Armor cards. Sing "Ole, Ole Ole Ole!" as you steal a number of small items in play from other players equal to the number of treasures gained in this combat. Double this number if you are female. If you helped or were helped by someone in this combat who also had no Armor, they may take their helping after you.
Slash for Cash!
[two swords clanging very virilely and powerfully in the air with money raining down around them]
Play this card to celebrate a victory during which you were male and helped/were helped by another male character. You must kiss the other player -- ON THE LIPS! If you successfully do this, you may each collect a number of small items from the inventories of other players equal to the number of treasures gained in this combat (double from female players). If Oraclebot is in play to witness this horrid display, he shuts down and is discarded.
Cash for Dash!
[pic of a Munchkin standing at the top of a flight of stairs waving a bag of gold pieces, with items of clothing being flung wildly upward into frame]
Forevery treasure you discard, you may discard an Armor or Clothing item another player has in play. Bards may discard *two* Clothing/Armor items for every item they discard (they get half the proceeds back to sponsor their band).
Cash for Slash!
[A figure who is clearly Draco Malfoy is grinning and handing a wad of cash to a figure who is clearly Harry Potter, who is rubbing his chin and mulling it over]
If you are male, you may play this card to force any other male player to help you in return for first pick of the treasure. You may not use this on a player currently employing Oraclebot. Get a +6 bonus to this combat if you or the other player has ever been female; increases to +9 if you both have.
Curse! Wink!
[A big single closed eye]
The first player to successfully kiss you on the cheek gets your hand in marriage. (Or, well, your hand. Plus any Rings in your inventory.) Players may interfere with each other's attempts to do this to a reasonable degree.
Curse! Daily Jolt!
[A stylized lightning bolt a la a certain website]
When this card is played you must either lose one level or discard an Item primarily made of metal. On each subsequent turn, if you have a metal Item in your hand or inventory you must choose to either discard it or lose a level; once you have no metal Items, discard this card.
Prospective Hireling
[small chibi-like coke-bottle glasses guy with no identifying racial characteristics and a sweatshirt reading "MUNCHKIN!" follows around the iconic Munchkin character]
The Prospective Hireling starts off as a Human with no Class. He's glad to lend you an extra Hand but can play no cards of his own until you play a Class card on him, at which point he can also carry and use one item as though a member of that Class. You can replace this Class at any time, or you can play a second identical Class card, allowing him to graduate from being a prospective member of that Class and matriculate -- discard him, gain a level and feel good about yourself. If Prospective Hireling ends up in the discard pile for any other reason, the Admissions Office docks you a level for carelessness.
We Are Anonymous, We Are Legion
Level 15, Demonic, 3 Treasures
[vast sea of sinister dark silhouettes wearing V masks]
Dox: Anonymous gets a -1 for every card you reveal to the table from your hand.
Bad Stuff: Lose your tax-exempt status. You must discard treasures equal to your level times 500 GP.
TriCoRatops
Level 14, 3 Treasures
[hippie-looking dinosaur with glasses, a peace symbol and a "DIVERSITY!" banner behind it]
TriCoRatops gains a +6 when in combat against Humans with no Race card, and a -3 for every non-Human Race card in play against it. If you have additional Race cards in your hand you may discard them for an extra -1 apiece.
Bad Stuff: Critiques and deconstructs your Class-based privilege. If you are Human, discard your Class and Items in play totaling 2,000 GP for reparations. Otherwise simply discard your Class.
ApatowSaurus
Level 15, 3 Treasures
[A long-necked dinosaur with a face uncannily like that of a stubbly stand-up comedian]
When facing ApatowSaurus male players may ask female players who are at least 3 levels above them to help them for no reward. ApatowSaurus doesn't fight male Dwarves at all but simply gives them his Treasures for free, along with a dozen movie deals.
Bad Stuff: ApatowSaurus stomps all over female characters for the sake of teaching them a moral lesson. Die, lose all your stuff, and get taken down a peg (and a level). Male characters, on the other hand, simply suffer wacky hijinks; lose your Class, lose your Armor, lose any Pants or other items worn between the waist and the ankle, and optionally learn an important moral lesson (but stay at about the same level in the end anyway).
Chu Devil
Level 19, Demonic, 5 Treasures, 2 Levels
[Come on, everyone knows what a Chu Devil looks like]
Lightweight: All potions played on Chu Devil have double their listed effect.
Tireless Temperance Crusader: If you use a potion on yourself in this battle, you will be unable to Run Away.
Bad Stuff: Everyone must discard all Potions in their hands or in play. If you have any Potions in your hand or used any in this combat, you immediately die of overindulgence; otherwise, your party permit is revoked, and you must discard all Potions as soon as you draw them from now on. (Treat this as a curse that can be removed normally). Chu Devil will not pursue characters lower than 4th level.
TREASURES:
D.U. Eye
300 GP, Males Only
[show a muscular fratboy wearing a sweatshirt saying "ΔΥ" and wearing a glowing eye amulet, surrounded by broken empty bottles]
Any time someone draws a Potion card, they must show it to you and give you the option of trading a card in your hand for it.
Inspecting the Goods: At any time you may discard two cards and force a female player to reveal her entire hand to you (and only you).
Cat Treats
600 GP, One-Use
[show a hand holding a bunch of little fish-shaped food things]
Bribe the GM's Cat to help you in battle. The GM's Cat is formidable but fickle. Roll the dice; on a 4, 5 or 6 *all* monsters you are in combat with are instantly and automatically defeated. On a 2 or 3, though, the Cat leads the monsters against you instead; you are instantly and automatically defeated and suffer all Bad Stuff. On a 1, the Cat goes for the jugular; you suffer all Bad Stuff and then, if you survived that, Death. May not be used by Star Munchkin players with the Feline Race; the one thing GM's Cat can't stand is other cats.
Trayful of Sharples
800 GP, Two-Handed, Big, +5
[show a figure obscured by and staggering under a plastic tray piled high with all manner of sharp medieval weaponry]
Buffet-Style Armory: Trayful of Sharples counts as any sharp melee weapon (Axe, Sword, Mace, Knife, etc.) for the purpose of other cards or class abilities like the Samurai's. If Trayful of Sharples ever runs out you can always get more; whenever this card is discarded you may instantly retrieve it (does not apply to selling or to Sharples Toss).
Sharples Toss: You may use this card as a one-use item against any opponent, giving it a -10 penalty. Discard this card afterwards.
Scary Knife of Induced Paranoia
400 GP, One-Handed, +4
[an innocent girlish figure walks up to a door holding a large, scary knife; behind the door you see darkness with narrowed, suspicious eyes and a gleaming huge sword]
When Looting the Room while carrying this Knife, if you draw a Monster face-down you immediately fight it rather than putting it into your hand. This Knife causes all monsters to treat you as a Thief without giving you any of the powers of one.
Kraut Hammer
400 GP, One-Handed, +3
[a hand swinging a hammer whose head is shaped like a Prussian army helmet]
When you receive Kraut Hammer you *must* equip it *immediately* or else instantly discard it -- Kraut Hammer *hates* waiting around to hear back. Gives an additional +3 to players of German descent.
Killed Some Spam
[show a screen with an e-mail client and a message highlighted saying "SWILNews #143", with the mouse pointer hovering over a "trash" button]
Go Up A Level
Destroyed the Only Institutional Support Network for Alternative Lifestyle Geeks on Campus Forever
[show a LiveJournal client with a title bar saying "I have opinions!" over a text input box and a "Post" and "Preview" button near the bottom, with the mouse pointer hovering over "Post"]
Go Up Two Levels
Destroyed the Entire Campus Social Scene Forever and Killed Countless Freshmen of Alcohol Poisoning By Forcing Them to Drink Alone In Their Rooms
[show an e-mail client with a title bar reading "I have opinions!" over a text input box and a "Send" button with a mouse pointer hovering over it]
Go Up Three Levels
Date the GM, Then Date Another GM, Then Break Up With the First GM But Not Until After the First Game Ends
[toothily grinning hot-chick Munchkin gives a thumbs-up to the camera]
Go Up Two Levels, Wait A Turn, Go Down A Level
Durp
No Value, One-Use
[A single large "DURP" speaks for itself]
Play this card. It counts as "Durp". If you manage to retrieve it and play it again in the course of this game, it's "Durp Durp". Anyone who manages to play this card three times ("Durp Durp Durp") instantly wins the game. (If you can manage it in *one turn*, you also get to do a little dance and laugh uproariously in all the other player's faces one by one.)
Mystery Bowl
100 GP, One-Use
[An overturned bowl with a question mark hovering over it]
Discard as many treasures from in front of you as you like, then draw an equal number of treasures from the treasure pile.
Quiz Bowl
100 GP, One-Use
[An overturned bowl with a question mark hanging over it]
Play this card and name any number of cards you think are in players' hands, along with who you think is holding each card. If *all* your guesses are correct, retrieve those cards and put them in your hand; otherwise you get nothing.
Root Beer Keg
600 GP, One-Handed, Big, +3
[show a Munchkin merrily whacking monsters away with a keg he's gripping one-handed]
Tap the Keg: If this card is "tapped" (turned to the side to indicate you're not using it) during a combat you're involved in, no one may play Potions into it, thanks to the refreshing alternative beverage choice.
George Doll
700 GP
[Show one hand holding a stitched, plush replica of a set of bookshelves and the other one holding a gleaming pin]
A George Doll allows you to exercise sympathetic magic against the library (i.e. draw deck) for the sake of curse magic.
Magically Sympathetic Librarians: While you have George Doll active all Curses you draw face-up are placed in your hand instead of affecting you.
Card Number and Pin, Please: Whenever a Curse is on top of the discard pile, you may painfully insert it back into the draw deck in any location you please, though you must inform the other players of how many cards away it is from the top.
Parrish in the Flames: Hurl this card onto the discard pile and cackle maniacally as the flames lick it up, inflicting terrible pain in the draw deck. From now on everyone, including you, who draws a Curse card face down is immediately affected by it as though drawn face-up. This continues as long as George Doll remains somewhere in the discard pile. (This effect only happens if declared, not if George Doll is discarded normally.)
Only Rogg Can Save Us
400 GP, One-Use
[A high-fantasy armored version of Jeff Rogg violently rucks over a monster while a Munchkin applauds]
Rogg owes you a favor. You may use this to force the highest-level Warrior at the table to help you for no reward. If the character is male, you get a +2 bonus for this combat. If the character's name is Jeff, get an additional +2. If the character's surname is Rogg, get a +4. If the character's full name is Jeff Rogg, the combined name bonus increases to +8. If Jeff Rogg '05 of Swarthmore College is somehow actually playing this game and you play this card, both you and he instantly win the game.
ETA: Seriously, I swear I'm done now. |
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